so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
