Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
