You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
