I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
