I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize