i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
