Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
