similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he fucked my hip out of place.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
