He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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