it hurts more in the daytime
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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