Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
