just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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