U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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