So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
