I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
