your parents love me but you hate me
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i drank out of a bidet.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
