but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize