its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
