Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
