you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
