i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Brb crying the tears of my youth
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize