Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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