Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
