Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
