I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize