Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Randomize