Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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