apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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