Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
