i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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