ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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