I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
