i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
