I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Enjoy the penises
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
