Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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