He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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