So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
