his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
