i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
