I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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