Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
