I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
