did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
