we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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