I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
