i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
