You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
cat food counts as protein by the way
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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