I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
