I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
