i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So much rum. So many feels.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
