Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
