i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
