What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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