we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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