did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
