the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
