If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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