if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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