theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
