If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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