omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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