There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
