we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
