The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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