I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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