Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
