I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish i was in the wii world.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
