i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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