im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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