Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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