Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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