You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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