I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
