Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
