Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
