This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
