Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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