We're facebook friends in real life
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
