you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
