I think my vagina is haunted
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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