Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
