What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
