so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
