I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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