and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
