I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
